Black Rose
by RimaBalaBalance
Summary: AU. 15 year old Ami "Kashiwagi" Hinamori feels responsible for her sister Amu's death. What if she had a chance to bring her back? How far would she go to do it? Read to find out!
1. Kashiwagi

**Disclaimer: No. I don't own Shugo Chara! So don't blame me for the crappy filler episodes.**

~.~.~.~

It's my fault.

My fault that she's gone.

"_Onee-chan! Look!"_

"_Ami! Watch out!"_

I remember the ice covered branch crushing her.

Her instead of me.

I remember screaming and crying when I saw the blood.

Her blood, not mine.

The tears that came when they told me she was gone.

"_We're sorry, Ami. Amu-chan died this morning."_

Seeing only one chara. It wasn't even hers anymore. Dia was just strong to die. She remained as an Undead-chara.

Why couldn't Amu be here anymore?

~.~.~.~

"Kashiwagi-san, are you ready?"

I turned to face Director Hoshina-san. "Yes, sir. I'm just…out of it today."

He nodded, very business-like. "Alright. Just do your best out there."

I rolled my eyes. "Do I ever disappoint you, sir?"

He smiled, knowing my question didn't need an answer.

"Miss Kashiwagi? It's time."

I smirked and adjusted my almost too small skirt and top, which were covered in lace and bows. "Dia," I said quietly, knowing she would hear me. I heard a pop and felt the tiny hat. I knew I looked perfect. I had a white top with a lemon yellow undershirt and a black miniskirt. My shoes were white 4-inch heels with black and yellow bows. The chara-change hat was white with a yellow diamond- it had a black slash.

As I walked onto stage, I felt absolutely amazing. I could feel the energy, and I didn't trip in my heels. That happened once.

I got to the middle of the stage. All around me were the cheering fans. I heard the music start, and I closed my eyes, swaying to the rhythm. I began singing at exactly the right time. **(A/N pretend she's singing this in Japanese)**

_How old are you?  
I'm older than you'll ever be  
I've been dead a thousand years  
And lived only two or three  
I don't mind telling you  
My life was ended by your hand  
The kind of murder where nobody dies  
But I don't suppose you'd understand  
Call off the search  
We've found her_

If I am Lolita  
Then you are a criminal  
And you should be killed  
By an army of little girls  
The law won't arrest you  
The world won't detest you  
You never did anything  
Any man wouldn't do  
I'm Gothic Lolita  
And you are a criminal  
I'm not even legal  
I'm just a dead little girl  
But ruffles and laces  
And candy sweet faces  
Directed your furtive hand  
I perfectly understand  
So it's my fault?  
No, Gothic Lolita

Thank you, kind sirs  
You've made me what I am today  
A bundle of broken nerves  
A mouthful of words I'm still afraid to say  
I don't mind telling you  
Now that I'm old enough to love  
I couldn't begin to even if  
My pretty life depended on it  
And funny thing, it does  
Call off the search  
We've found her

If I am Lolita  
Then you are a criminal  
And you should be killed  
By an army of little girls  
The law won't arrest you  
The world won't detest you  
You never did anything  
Any man wouldn't do  
I'm Gothic Lolita  
And you are a criminal  
I'm not even legal  
I'm just a dead little girl  
But ruffles and laces  
And candy sweet faces  
Directed your furtive hand  
I perfectly understand  
So it's my fault?  
No, Gothic Lolita 

I opened my eyes and smirked at the amount of X-eggs. Dia's power is simply amazing. Hoshina-san and Hikaru-kun would be pleased.

_I am your sugar  
I am your cream  
I am your anti-American dream_

I am your sugar  
I am your cream  
I am your worst nightmare  
Now scream

If I am Lolita  
Then you are a criminal  
And you should be killed  
By an army of little girls  
The law won't arrest you  
The world won't detest you  
You never did anything  
Any man wouldn't do  
I'm Gothic Lolita  
And you are a criminal  
I'm not even legal  
I'm just a dead little girl  
But ruffles and laces  
And candy sweet faces  
Directed your furtive hand  
I perfectly understand  
So it's my fault?  
No, Gothic Lolita

As I walked offstage, there was no sound, of course. All my fans had no heart's eggs.

"Ami, you were amazing."

I smirked. Just as I thought, Hoshina-san was happy with me.

"It's a new record amount of X-eggs. Twice as many as Utau ever collected." The he frowned. "She was quite useless. Though I suppose those guardians had something to do with that."

I felt my heart ache. Guardians. Amu. The only reason I sing for Easter- to get the Embryo and bring my sister back.

I sighed, trying to sound bored. "Both Utau and the guardians were pathetic. Of course, they never gave me any problems. Half of them don't even have charas anymore…" my voice trailed off.

Hoshina-san cleared his throat. "Anyways, I have work to do. You should eat and rest. You have another show in 2 days, and a new song recording coming up."

I nodded. "Alright. Say hello to Hikaru-kun for me."

I was one of Eatser's only employees who knew who Gozen really was. Hikaru had been one of my friends since…well since we were little. I actually trusted him. Strange.

Hoshina-san chuckled. "As you wish, Ami. Now go get something to eat and get some rest.

~.~.~.~

**Hey guys. I'm really sorry if this sucks or is totally confusing. It's my first FanFic. Kashiwagi is the stage name I decided on for Ami in my story. "Kashi" means lyrics. :3**

**So I hope you enjoyed it. Please review! I'll write more soon!**


	2. Frantic

**Disclaimer: It's called fanfiction for a reason.**

As I walked down the hall to my dressing room, I tried to ignore the fact that I just took away even _more_ kids dreams. I tried to instead focus on the annoying sound my awful heels were making on the floor.

_Click, clack. Click, clack. _

But I fail at everything, so of course the hollow eyes had to come back to haunt me. I gritted my teeth as I remember the face of a girl from an earlier concert. She looked no older than 6, and had the same curls I did. She even had golden eyes, the same as Amu.

I wonder if she has a sister who misses her onee-chan.

"Argh!" I scream, unable to hold it in anymore. Tears gush out of my eyes as I collapse on the floor. "It's not fair! It's not fair!" I moan between sobs. My whole body is shaking and I wonder how long I've been there when someone clears their throat. I freeze before wiping my eyes on the back of my hand. I'm sure my face is red because I can feel the heat in my cheeks. I'm scared to meet their eyes, but I force myself to look at their face and see Hikaru. Oh God. Now I'm going to get fired for sure, but then I see he's holding out a tissue. I gladly take it and wipe my eyes as he pulls me into an awkward hug. Then we just stand there, me wiping my eyes and him patting my back soothingly until I whisper, "I'm sorry."

We pull away and I swear I see a faint blush across his cheeks. Don't worry about it, Ami. You're our star after all. The Black Rose of Easter."

I feel a pain in my chest as he says this name. The Black Rose of Easter. It's not the first time I've heard it but it's the first time anybody's directly said it to me. Usually fans say it to each other. You hear it in ads a lot. Basically what it means is _another way to make our company rich._ Hikaru's not a bad person, but I don't particularly like him. He's too focused on the company. Not that I can complain, seeing as I'm using the same company in hopes of resurrecting my sister. Hypocrite.

I give him my trademark smirk **(A/N: Nooo it's Ikuto's! You can't have it!)** through the tears. My smirks are almost always fake, but nobody notices.

"And by the way," he continues, "I think they've perfected the Undead method. So maybe soon there'll be a bunch of Undeads like yours floating around."

This stops my blood cold in my veins. No, I want to scream. They can't do that! X-eggs are bad enough. We can't…we can't just kill innocent children! Oh God. This is my fault. If I had never joined Easter…

Hikaru's voice snaps me back to reality. "Of course we'll need to test it. Not that this involves you. You can just relax." He doesn't ask for a response as he hurries down the hall.

My mouth is still trying to form the words that will not come when I close the door to my dressing room. I break down again, moaning the word monsters as I shake on the ground. Just when I think he's not that bad, he has to prove me wrong. I just lie there until I can form no more tears and my throat hurts like hell on fire.

I quickly change to regular clothes- a t-shirt and jeans- and scrub the make-up off my face. When I look in the mirror my eyes are puffy and I don't recognize myself. But there's one thought that holds me in reality. Maybe this will help me see my sister again.

But knowing my luck…

* * *

I pushed open the door to my apartment and was greeted by the smell of home. I walk straight through my kitchen, not even stopping for a snack, before closing the door to my huge bedroom. I don't even bother changing out of my post-concert clothes as I settle into the white sheets. It never takes long to drift into dream land.

Waking up the next morning is a different story. I groan as I bury my face in my pillow. My stomach is growling, and I know it's because I didn't eat last night. But my muscles ache from who-knows-what. I lie on my bed, my face buried in the pillow, until I can't stand the hunger anymore. I practically roll out of bed and make my way to the kitchen.

Easter's offered me servants before, but I always refuse. I love cooking and cleaning, so I have no need for them. Still, sometimes I wish I had a cook. Now was one of those times.

My muscles ache as I pour corn flakes into a bowl. The milk is too heavy for me right now, so I guess I'll have to eat my cereal dry. It tastes awful, but it quiets my stomach as I retire to bed.

I should have at least an hour before anybody needs me. Ah, if only I were so lucky. Because the next thing I know, my phone's ringing.

Groaning, I press send and mutter, "Hello?"

The voice on the other end is frantic. "Ami, I need your help."

My reply is "Huh?"

"Hikaru is planning on creating Undead Charas from your concert. The one _tomorrow._ You need to help me!"

That's when I recognize the voice. It belongs to none other than my stylist, Rikka Higari.

**I wish I could make it longer but I'm waay too tired. This is my first update in MONTHS! I would like to thank both reviewers, and .Kiseki.4eva! You're the best!**

**I'll update after I get 2 or 3 reviews, m'kay? So PLEASE REVIEW!**

**PS. I'm not really happy with this chapter, so if you have any constructive criticism, PLEASE let me know. **


	3. Murderer

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shugo Chara or the songs I use.**

Hearing the franticness in Rikka's voice jolted me to reality.

Something about this made me angry. I know its wrong, but why do I have to deal with it? I started voicing my thoughts without realizing it. "Well, what am I supposed to do? It's not like I can just say 'Hey Hikaru what you're doing is wrong. I'm not gonna sing the concert tomorrow. Okay! Have a great life!' I mean, this is Easter we're talking about. The largest company in the_ world. _ If I even tried something like that, my life would turn into hell. If you care about these kids so much, do something yourself!"

Hearing the anger in my own voice made me wince. I shouldn't be yelling at her. She's not a bad person. In fact, she's pretty much my only friend. I began to speak again in a much softer voice. "Rikka, I'm really sorry. I would help them if I could. But you know-"

"You don't even care! Don't give me that crap! Ami, I thought I could trust you! You're too scared to even try to help all the poor kids. What if your sister was going? What if it was your sister?" The mention of my sister almost made me scream. "And you don't even care. You're worse than I thought." She drew a shaky breath before saying in a low, hollow voice, "You're a murderer. Just like Hikaru." There was a _beep_ and the line was dead. Just like that.

For a minute, I stayed frozen. Her words rang in my ears. _You're a murderer. You're a murderer. You're a murderer._ Then I let out a shriek and threw the phone across the room. It hit the wall and shattered into a million tiny pieces. But her words keep echoing in my head. _You're a murderer. You're a murderer. _"Shut up, shut up, shut up," I moan. "Leave me alone!" I covered my head with a fluffy white pillow, trying to protect myself from her words. But they were relentless and would not leave me alone. _You're a murderer. You're a murderer. You're a murderer. _Finally, I let my body slip into a dreamless sleep, the words still echoing in my head.

_The next day…_

I was sitting in front of my mirror in the changing room when somebody came into the room.

"Ami, is something wrong?"

I didn't need to turn around to know who was talking to me. I didn't want him to see my tears. "Yeah, I'm fine, Hoshina-san." Even to me, my voice sounded dead.

But he wasn't going to give up. "Is this about Hikaru's Undead Egg plan?" Damn. This guy knows me.

"How did you know?" I ask sarcastically. I was getting mad again for no reason.

He didn't seem to notice, though, and said gently, "I know you feel it's wrong. But there's really nothing any of us can do. I was talking to Rikka yesterday. She told me about your conversation." I turned to face him, and I could see him trying to hide the surprise on his face. I had tears running down my face and surely my eyes were puffy. I was wearing no makeup and my hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail. I hadn't even bothered straightening it. He had never seen me like this. Nobody had.

Nobody except my sister. Amu had always been there to comfort me in my worst moments.

Hoshina-san cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well, I guess I'll leave now so you can get ready for your concert." Translation: I've done enough damage and you need to recover before your concert.

Isn't life just great?

I turned back to the mirror, avoiding looking in it. Because I knew I'd only see a murderer.

Somehow, managed to prepare myself with no issues. Rikka had left my outfit- a strapless black dress that had a short yet full skirt and yellow belt that had the word _danger_ printed on it in black, complete with yellow flats and bracelets- and I knew how she would want me to do my hair. My signature style was just straightening all my light brown curls and leaving it down.

Makeup was a different story, especially with my puffy eyes and tear-streaked face. I sighed as I cleaned it with a cool cloth. It was better than nothing. Then I just sat there for a while, staring at my feet. I always over-do my makeup and I don't want tot look like a clown. But I knew I had no other choice, and applied mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and blush that Rikka had left for me. I forced myself to look in the mirror, and I actually didn't look that bad. I managed a weak smile, and that's when I noticed.

I look exactly like my sister.

My eyes widened and I spun away from the mirror. No. I can't get emotional right before a concert. I need to remember my purpose. The reason I sing. The reason I'm willing to murder children.

But is it really worth it? Is Amu worth causing others pain?

I didn't get a chance to think about it, because Hoshina-san was back, telling me I have five minutes until show time. "Do I look alright?" I ask nervously.

"You always look beautiful," he assures me. "Don't worry. They're going to love you."

We walk to the edge of the stage, and I'm grateful Rikka left flats instead of my usual heels. I don't even have to say anything and Dia performs the Chara Change. I'm grateful I don't, because I'm so nervous I'm actually shaking. _I'm a murderer._ _I'm truly going to murder these children. Oh, Rikka, why didn't I listen to you and try to come up with a plan?"_

Everything's a daze as I walk out on stage and give the crowd a weak smile. I stare out at the children I'm killing as I begin to sing.

_You take it all away_

_But never give it back_

_And this is what you say_

_Their lives are yellow-black_

_And this is how they move_

_And this is how they sway_

_That danger is the truth_

_They die and come again_

How fitting.

_Obstacles and signs_

_Perilous and looming_

_Dangerous and moving_

_Dangerous and moving_

_Obstacles and signs_

_Perilous and looming_

_Dangerous and moving_

_Dangerous and moving_

Why am I doing this? Why am I a murderer?

_No mercy for the lost_

_No soothing for the sad_

_The line is never crossed_

_They are the living dead_

_And this is how they move_

_And this is how they sway_

_That danger is the truth_

_They die and live again_

_Obstacles and signs_

_Perilous and looming_

_Dangerous and moving_

_Dangerous and moving_

_Obstacles and signs_

_Perilous and looming_

_Dangerous and moving_

_Dangerous and moving_

The crowd is silent as I finish the song. I notice the tears running down my face. I don't walk off the stage like usual. When I feel Dia undo the Chara Change, I collapse right in the middle of the stage. I don't even move when some of Easter's goons go out to collect the eggs and the bodies that are going to become corpses.

It's my fault.

I'm a murderer.

**I hope this chapter made sense. I'm not the best author ever (it isn't that hard to notice) but I do appreciate reviews. I said I would wait for 2 or 3 reviews, but whatever. Thanks .Kiseki.4eva for your review! *****hands bag of Shugo Chara character cookies***** (I'm sorry if it messes up your name because on the preview it refuses to get it right)**

**Reviews make me happy!**

**Oh and I forgot to mention the songs I've used. The song in Chapter 1 in Gothic Lolita, which belongs to Emilie Autumn, and the song in this chapter is Dangerous and Moving, which belongs to t.A.T.u. If you have any songs you want Ami to sing, let me know!**


	4. Ally

**Disclaimer: RimaBalaBalance is not Peach-Pit, therefore, she does not own Shugo Chara!**

"Miss Kashiwagi, are you ok?"

A hand touched my shoulder and I slapped it away. "Leave me the hell alone!" I screamed, running off the stage, down the hall, to my dressing room.

I don't want to even _see_ the idiots who turned me into a murderer. I slammed my door shut and sat down on my couch and buried my head in my hands. _I'm a murderer. I'm a murderer. I'm a murderer. _I almost scream when I feel a gentle, feminine hand tough my shoulder. "Ami?" an unfamiliar yet recognizable voice says. I know this voice. But who is it? "Ami," the voice repeats, "it's Utau. Utau Hoshina."

I turn my neck so fast I think it might break. Sure enough, my eyes meet with the violet orbs of Utau Hoshina. Her hair's shorter and let down, but it suits her. Seeing my sister's best friend brings tears to my eyes. Her own eyes are glistening as well. "Why are you here?" I ask in a husky voice, attempting to suppress my tears.

Utau just let her tears slide down her face, not even bothering to wipe them away. "I want to help you," she whispered gently.

Utau wants to help…me? Even though it's my fault her best friend's gone? Even though I just sealed the death of innocent children? This doesn't make sense. It can't be real. It must be a dream. Confused, I bury my pounding head in my hands. This has to be a dream. Nobody would want to help me. Come on, Ami, wake up! My efforts are futile, as I seemed to be slipping farther from reality than grasping it. Oh God.

"Ami? Ami, are you okay?" Utau's voice called to me. It seemed to be swirling into the darkness that had suddenly enveloped me. I wanted to scream, _Make it stop!_ but my voice was lost in the dark. I suddenly began seeing the faces of those I'd betrayed: Mama, Papa, young children who only wanted to hear me sing, other victims of my cruelty, and, last, I saw the face of my sister, Amu. I screamed silently in the darkness as their faces swirled around me, growing closer, suffocating me…

"Ami Hinamori, if you don't wake up right now, I'm using your credit card and going on a shopping spree!"

I shot up, cocooned in my white sheets. When did I get home? Who was this person? I looked to my right and saw Utau sitting on the edge of my bed. Oh shit. It wasn't just a dream. The swirly-ness of evil was real. Or was that part a dream? I'm not sure anymore.

Utau smiled at me, oblivious to the fear pumping adrenaline through my veins. "Hey, Ami. I'm glad you're up. It looked like you were having a nightmare for a second there."

"Whatever. So anyways, how are you planning on helping me?" I asked her, avoiding the nightmare topic.

"Well, what's the best way to stop a company?" she said, looking at me as if the answer were obvious. I stared at her blankly, causing her to sigh and answer her own question. "You have to corrupt them from the inside. Mess everything up. Make sure they can't rebuild themselves."

I rolled my eyes at this. Yeah right, how could one, measly, little singer destroy a huge corporation like Easter? She must be out of her mind.

"With your music. That's how you'll do it." She looked at me seriously. Is she a mind reader? "No, you're just mumbling everything under your breath. Anyways, do you have a Chara? I mean besides that Undead one."

I shook my head before remembering something. An egg. I have an egg. "I have an egg, though," I told her.

"Hm…I guess we'll have to see if this works," she mused. "Why don't you go get it?"

I nodded. I stood up and stretched before walking into my walk-in-closet. I went to the very back and pulled out a small box. I didn't dare to open it yet. She eyed me hopefully. "Well?"

I brushed some dust off the box before sliding off the lid. The box itself was filled with a satiny material, and in the very middle was my egg. It was a pale pink color with a single white rose on the front. Simple, yet beautiful. My egg was born about a month after my sister's death and has remained un-hatched for over nine years.

"It's beautiful," Utau breathed in wonder, peering into the box. I smirked. She's more of a child than I am. She stared for a moment before turning to me and saying, "So, what were you feeling when she was born?"

I didn't have to think before saying, "I wanted to be pure again. I wanted to forget the accident. I wanted things back to how they were."

She nodded slowly. "Well, we just need to trigger those thoughts so your Chara can be born, I guess."

I wanted to dislike this woman. I can tell she has no clue what she's talking about. But behind her happy eyes, I can see the same pain that has held me back for so many years. The pain and suffering I've tried so hard to forget.

The pain and suffering preventing me from being pure.

I will become pure if it's the last thing I do.

**Ami's going to have a Chara! A real one, not her Undead one. This story's progressing faster than I thought it would, so I'm sorry if it seems rushed. I had to rewrite this chapter about 5 times until I was semi-happy with it. I still think it's too short and rushed.**

**I would like to thank bma925 for reminding me to add Utau to the story. I don't think there will be very much of the other Guardians/Ikuto, but Utau and Ami's relationship will be a lot like Tsukasa and Ikuto's in Ikuto's flashbacks. Meaning, Utau's going to be an OOC airhead. *****sighs*******

**Thank you Miki. Loves. Kiseki. 4eva for reviewing once again! I'm going to try to use one of the songs you recommended. I listened to them and they sound awesome. ;)**

**Thanks to everyone else who's read and favorited this story!**

**AND AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT! I'm going to be on vacation from 6/30 to 7/14, so updates will be slower than usual if I update at all. Remember that reviews are still appreciated and they are what inspires me most.**


	5. Hypocrite

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

I wish I could say that everything went uneventfully for a few days, but the next thing I know is that my phone's ringing. I reach for it, but Utau's faster. She flips open my cell and greets the caller with a "Yo."

I can't hear what the other person's saying, but Utau scrunches her face up as if she ate something gross. She responds to whatever they said with a flat "It's nice to talk to you again, too. How ya been Hikaru?" She motions to me in a way that says _keep your fat mouth SHUT._ _Don't mess this up. _ I roll my eyes but nod. She's how old again?

"Ami? Oh, she's not here right now. Can I take a message? No? You don't trust me do you?" She was silent for a few minutes. I guess Hikaru was doing one of his stupid rants, because Utau was rolling her eyes every 10 seconds and doing the "blah, blah, blah" talking hand thing. I'm not sure what it's called. But anyways, her childish behavior was just too much and I couldn't help but crack a smile. She saw this and grinned at me before scowling and saying, "Well, Hikaru, Ami and I are working together now, so deal with it. In fact, I'm thinking the two of us working together can draw even more X-eggs. Uh-huh. No, dummy, I quit because I hadn't seen the light." She made air quotes around "the light" and rolled her eyes. I know what she's thinking—she quit when she _did_ see the light. But Hikaru really doesn't think anybody would ever lie to him, so he's not careful enough to hear Utau's horrible lies. "Yeah. We're planning to make her concert after the next a joint concert. I'm working on the song right now. Okay. I'll tell her you called. Bye." She pressed the end button and sighed.

"So, a joint concert, huh?" I asked.

"Oh. Yeah. I was planning on telling you, but we didn't have much time before Hikaru called. Is he really that gullible?"

I nodded and smirked. "He doesn't think anybody would ever lie to him. But Utau…"

"Yeah?"

"You suck at lying."

She grinned childishly and said, "So I've been told."

Suddenly, she turned serious and said, "So, here's the plan…"

_XOXOXO_

"OhmyGawd! Is that Ami Kashiwagi?"

"EhmyGawsh! I think it is! And is that Utau freaking Hoshina right next to her? Squee! I think it is! EhmyGawsh!"

I rolled my eyes for the millionth time as Utau and I walked through the mall. Stupid fangirls. They're acting like we're making out or something! Yeah right. Like that would ever happen. Anyways, two celebrities shopping together is _not _a big deal!

If you haven't guessed, we're shopping for concert outfits. Someone please explain why Rikka, my _stylist,_ isn't designing our outfits.

Utau's voice interrupted my thoughts. "So, where to next?"

"Uh, I don't know, maybe Claire's?" I said unsurely. But my stomach had other plans and growled loudly. Utau giggled and rolled her eyes.

"Maybe we'll go to Claire's later."

So we head to the food court. The fangirls follow us, of course. While I was picking at a salad, she had American style burger, fries, and an ice-cold Coke. I stared at the fries longingly, trying to remember what they tasted like, when she shoved them towards me, rolling her eyes. "Ami, you don't have to _always_ eat healthy."

"Yes I do. Otherwise I'll end up fat like you," I joked.

"I am not fat! But just take them. Really. This food court's fries are so salty, and tender yet crispy, and soo delicious…"

"Fine! I'll take them!" I said, popping one in my mouth and nearly moaning at the taste. She wasn't kidding about the delicious part.

"Ami, don't you think we're a little old to shop at Claire's?" my blonde friend asked as I shoved a few more fries into my mouth.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I haven't been shopping since before…" I let my voice trail off and she seemed to get the message.

"Ah." She stared at her food before her eyes lit up and she grinned.

Uh oh. This can't be good.

"Well, hurry up eating, girly."

"What? Why?"

"We're going to Hot Topic, my friend."

_XOXOXO_

I hate to say it, but I've never been to Hot Topic before. So it was a shock to walk through the door and see…everything. (**AN: I've only been to Hot Topic two times and the first was around Halloween, so sorry if the description is wrong) ** There were shelves full of what I guess are fashionable accessories, clothes ranging from corsets to jeans to fishnets to t-shirts to…holy shit. Is that a dude wearing a nurse costume and stuffed bra? And am I the only one noticing? I turned to Utau and saw her examining some gold fishnet tights. She glanced up at me and said, "Well? Do you think they would match my outfit?" I stared at her blankly, ignoring the crowd of crazed fangirls gathering around us.

"Dude…nurse costume…stuffed bra…miniskirt…" I said. How can she not notice?

"Oh! You want me to get that sexy nurse costume, stuff my bra, and show off more than half my ass? I didn't know you thought of me that way, Ami. I'm really not a lesbian…" The fangirls squeal at this, and shouts of "Go for it Ami! Hot lesbian makeout!" can be heard.

She. Is. A. Blind. IDIOT! "Utau," I say through clenched teeth, "That dude is wearing a nurse costume. And no, I do NOT want to see half your ass. I'm not a lesbian!" I turn to the fangirls as I shout this, glaring at them. Some pout while others flee in terror.

"Oooh," Utau says. I can really see where the term 'dumb blonde' came from now. "That's normal. Some girls think it's really hot."

I roll my eyes and try not to strangle her. "Whatever," I grumble, turning to examine some hair accessories. A black rose catches my eye. It would match the other stuff I bought earlier perfectly. And it would make the nickname "Black Rose of Easter" come back and bite Hikaru in the ass. Plus it's cute. I snatch it off the shelf and spin around, immediately running into something, toppling to the floor and landing on something…soft.

I hear a deep voice from beneath me say "Ow…" and glance down, shrieking and jumping to my feet when I see I landed on the crossdresser. His eyes widen when he recognizes me. "I'm so sorry, Miss Kashiwagi! My apologies!" He's blushing. I feel bad and offer my hand, pulling him up.

"Ami," I mumble, noticing how cute he is. He has chocolate brown eyes and messy blond hair. He's a little taller than me, but he can't be older than 17. He's not really muscular, but he doesn't look weak.

"Huh?"

"Call me Ami."

He shrugs. "Ok. My name's Takashi Adachi, and I'm sorry you have to see me like this," he says, motioning to his outfit. "I'll take you out to get ice cream or something later to make up for everything. Plus you can have anything you want and I'll pay." I open my mouth to protest, but he holds up his hand. "I insist."

"Y-You really shouldn't," I stutter. What's wrong with me? God, I'm such in idiot.

I can see Utau pushing through the crowd around us. "Whoa…" she says in awe. She sticks out her right hand and grins at him. "Hey! I'm Utau Hoshina! You must work here!" I mentally facepalm. She's such an airhead.

"Oh! I know you! I went to one of your concerts, you know, back when you were famous." He grabs her hand and shakes it vigorously, grinning back. "You with Kash- Ami?"

"Yupp!" she says, pulling her hand away and throwing her arm over my shoulder. I shrug it off and scowl at her, causing her and Takashi to snicker.

This guy really pisses me off.

_XOXOXO_

"Ugh! I'm so freaking tired!" I say, dropping my bags and collapsing onto my couch.

As if on cue, my phone rings.

"I'll get it!" Utau shouts happily, reaching for it. But I'm faster and I snatch it before she can reach it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Ami, it's Hikaru."

I stiffen at the sound of his voice. For some reason, it's icy and laced with poison.

"Oh, hi, what's up?"

"We did not get a single (insert bad word here) Undead egg. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK IS UP?" he shouts angrily.

I can't move. No… every single one of those children was killed for… for… nothing?

I keep my voice even and stay in character. "Oh, really, that's too bad. Well, there's always next time." No way. Never again will I harm an innocent child.

"And Ami?" he says, ignoring my response. "You missed your song recording today."

Oh shit.

He hangs up and the line goes dead.

I shriek and hurl my phone across the room. "That stupid bastard! He doesn't even care! He doesn't care about anybody besides himself!"

And that's when I realize it.

I'm just as self-serving as he is.

**Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry guys! I've been so busy and I've been totally neglecting my FFs! *****hides in Emo corner***** please don't hate me…**

**I'm sorry this chapter is so filler-ish. Did anyone notice I went from past tense to present tense? Really sorry about that…my head hurts too much to fix it right now and I'd rather post this now and re-upload a fixed version later.**

**I'm sorry I made an OC. I hope he's not annoying/hateable. And he was crossdressing because when I went to Hot Topic (around Halloween) a guy was wearing a girl costume. I seemed to be the only person freaking out xD (I hope I didn't offend anyone.)**

**I would say more but my head's pounding and I need sleep. ;( **

**Thanks for reading!**


	6. Memories

**Disclaimer: Haha, you're funny if you think I own anything. **

Just looking at myself makes me feel sick.

And no, not for the reasons you would think.

I am currently wearing off white skinny jeans, converse high tops, jelly bracelets, studded belt that looks like piano keys, and the worst part – a Justin Bieber t-shirt. No way in hell would I ever pick to wear something so…so…degrading.

Anyone want to guess why I'm dressed so weird?

To those of you who guessed it had something to do with Takashi Adachi, you're right.

Takashi insisted he dress me before our little "date" so no one would recognize me. He even did my hair in a low side ponytail, gave me a hat, painted my nails, and put silver crap all over my eyelids. He was going to give me these cool lace-up gloves and make my lips hot pink, but in his words it was "too much."

"Why did I have to wear this?" I whine for the millionth time.

"Because, Ami, you're famous. By wearing clothes your fans would never expect you to wear, they will either not notice you or do a double take before deciding you're someone else," he tells me, trying to reason with me.

Yeah, right. Try reasoning with me when I'm not wearing a Justin Bieber t-shirt.

I have to agree with him a little, though – it's nice not having people recognize me.

"Whatever," I say, not wanting to agree with him. "But really, why am I here again? Why couldn't we have just gotten ice cream?"

Takashi turns to me and grins. "Because, Ami, ice cream's awesome, but here's even better! Even if you're 15, you still need to act like a little kid every now and then! I'm almost 18 and I still love to come here!"

Anybody want to guess where I am? Yupp, that's right.

The freaking amusement park.

It wouldn't be that bad if I didn't remember my sister telling me about all the dates she had gone on here. I can hear her sighing as she tells me about Tadase kissing her on the cheek, Ikuto riding the teacups with her…

No. Don't think like that, Ami. You _will_ see her again.

I sigh boredly and roll my eyes. "Whatever. You're more of a little kid than me. I mean, I've been living on my own since I joined Easter. I bet you still live with your mommy and daddy," I say mockingly.

The grin disappears and he says quietly, "My parents died when I was 9. The only family I have is my little sister, Seira."

I stiffen at the word _sister_ but manage to say, "Oh. I'm sorry."

He shrugs. "Whatever. You didn't know. But let's just forget we talked about it." I don't know what to say so I just nod. He smiles and grabs my hand. "Come on. Let's go!"

I blush. It feels weird to actually have somebody holding my hand. "Where are we going?"

"Well, you can't go to an amusement park and not ride the teacups!" he says enthusiastically, trying to pull me.

"No," I say in a flat tone, refusing to move.

He pouts. "Aw, why not?"

"Because."

"Come on, Kashiwagi. I told you something, so you should tell me something. I swear I won't tell anybody."

I look into his eyes. They're so warm and…inviting. I can feel my heart beat a little faster. No. I can't give in that easily. Instead, I turn away. "I told you not to call me that."

"Yeah, yeah. Don't try to change the subject. I told you my parents died, so you can tell me whatever it is."

"I don't want to!" I try to pull my hand away, but I pull too hard and tumble to the ground. I can feel my eyes burning, not from pain, but as I remember my sister. Laughing, smiling, blushing, frowning, crying, yelling…

Suddenly, I'm off the ground and in his arms, his hand warm on my face. By now, the people around us are staring and murmuring. But Takashi just ignores them. "Don't cry, Kashiwagi. There's no need for that. Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be ok." If I weren't so upset, I would blush at how close we are – my nose is almost touching his.

"No, it won't," I whisper. "It will never be ok."

He stares at my eyes and sighs. "Please, tell me. I want to help."

"I…" Wait, am I really going to tell somebody I just met my secret?

"You…?"

I take a deep breath and push away a little bit to avoid any embarassment. "I used… I used to have a sister."

The look of surprise on his face is what I was expecting. But the words out of his mouth were not.

"Really? Wow, I've never read that on any of your fansites…"

The glare I give him makes him blush and mutter "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

I sigh and brush a few stray hairs out of his eyes. "You know, there's a reason it's not on any fansites. So you better not go around telling everyone about it."

He nods, still blushing. "I really am sorry, though. Uh…do you want to talk about it?"

My natural inclination is to shout _No way!_ and run home. But since I just revealed to him – to this stranger I barely know – my biggest secret, I might as well fill him in on the details.

"Sure," I say quietly. Glancing at the people moving around us, I blush and add, "Maybe somewhere a little more private, though. Maybe we could go back to my place?"

"Uh…ok…"

I swear his blush just got darker.

This time it's my turn to grab his hand and pull. "Come on, then. Let's go!"

_XOXOXO_

"Whoa…your place is huge…" he breathes in wonder as we walk through the door of my apartment. Well, I guess condo might be a better word. I don't know. When I moved in, the Easter goons just said, "Here's where you're living," and left.

I just shrug and say, "I guess."

But I was over at Takashi's apartment earlier (while he was getting me ready) and it was a lot smaller. That's pretty much all I noticed, though. I was really tired and still half asleep.

We go over to my counter in the kitchen and both sit down on barstools. He seems to be taking mental notes, examining anything he can get his hands on, and much more observant than I was at his apartment this morning.

"So," he says, finally looking at me, "tell me about your sister."

I take a deep breath. Might as well tell him everything. "Her name was A-Amu," I start, faltering when I say her name. "Amu Hinamori." He raises an eyebrow at the last name. "Not Kashiwagi. Hinamori." He nods, so I continue. "Anyways, she was amazing. She tried her best at everything, and she was always happy. She couldn't hold grudges, not even if she tried. She had a lot of boyfriends, even though she was only 13. She was always so popular, "Cool n' Spicy" is what they would call her, and she had awesome pink hair."

"So what happened?" he asked softly, gently grabbing my hand when he saw the tears forming in my eyes. I swallow a lump in my throat and begin.

"There was an accident. It was all my fault. It was winter, and I wasn't being careful. Remember 9 years ago when we had that really bad ice storm?" He cringes but nods. "Well, we were at the park and I was under a big oak tree, staring at the icicles on another tree. Suddenly, I heard a snap and she screamed at me to move. I looked up and saw a huge branch was only meters above me. It had fallen off from the weight of the ice. I remember being pushed out of the way and falling into a snow bank. I looked back and saw her on the ground, under the branch, the snow turning red."

I can barely see, my eyes are so blurred with tears. But I take a take a shaky breath and finish my story.

"I started screaming and I didn't stop, not even when the ambulance came and took her away. Eventually, my screams turned to tears, and after that, I locked myself in my room. I refused to come out. They had to pick the lock and drag me out. It was horrible." By the end, my voice is barely a whisper. I close my eyes, remembering, causing the tears to fall silently.

Suddenly, I'm in Takashi's arms again and he's stroking my hair. He whispers, "My parents died that year. Actually, it was that same storm. They were driving Seira home from the doctor – she was only 2 – when they slid lost control of the car." I can hear the tears in his voice. "They hit a tree and the airbags didn't activate. Those idiots weren't wearing seatbelts." Even though he sounds so sad, he also sounds angry. Angry at his parents? "Seira was so lucky. She was in the back in a car seat. Thank God they remembered to strap her in. I was at home with my aunt when I heard the news. I remember seeing little Seira with her tear-streaked face, screaming and clinging to the police officer that was carrying her."

He pulls away and looks at me sadly. "After that, I couldn't bring myself to get my license. Actually, I have it now, because my aunt recently passed away and I had no other option. The same reason I crossdress at Hot Topic. It was the only place willing to hire me."

When he says this, I can't help but start crying. I had thought my life was so messed up, the worst life out there, and here's a guy who has a much worse life than me. I killed people – innocent people like Amu and Takashi, and even little Seira – to try to make my life better.

As soon as the first tear falls, Takashi pulls me up and walks over to my couch. My body is shaking violently, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. He sits down on the couch and puts me on his lap, wrapping his arms around me and pressing my head to his chest. I can tell he's crying, too, but his tears are silent.

We just sit there for the longest time before I can cry no more. I whimper, though, still shaking, and bury my face deeper into his chest. He smells good, but his shirt is soaked thanks to my tears.

I look up at him with puffy eyes and whisper, "I'm sorry."

He smiles sadly and says, "Me, too."

At this moment, I realize something. My heart is beating wildly, like when I'm on stage, and my cheeks are heating up. Just when I open my mouth to say something, he glances at his watch and says, "Oh, shit! I gotta go pick up Seira from school!" He looks at me, still shaking a little bit. He lifts me off his lap and sets me down where he had been sitting. "Don't worry, I'll be back."

He stands there for a little bit, thinking, before he leans in. I think _he's going to kiss me!_ but he presses his lips to my cheek instead. He blushes and hurries to the door, but before he leaves, he turns and says, "By the way, it's not your fault your sister died."

I can only think one thing.

I'm in love.

**Hm…I'm not good at writing relationships. I think they're moving a little too fast. What do you think?**

**So anyways, I'm so freaking sorry I haven't updated in forever! Thank you to Umi and bma925 for reviewing the last chapter, and thank you guys for reading! I was hoping I would have a new chapter and I wouldn't have to write one of those AN things (which is now replaced by this chapter), but noo, my inspiration just had to take a vacation. **

**Since I'm back in school, I'm going to try to update every other weekend. That way, you won't end up getting horrible chapters like this. I really hope it's not as bad as I think it is.**

**By the way, I have a link to Ami's outfit on my profile, so go check it out! And sorry Bieber fangirls, but I don't like him. I'm not going to insult him or anything, so please don't get mad at me.**

**So that's all I can think of for now. Thanks for reading, please review!**

**PS. I tried to make it long but to me it just looks...short.  
**


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